It Happened Years Ago: Talking About Past Abuse at Your Own Pace

Many survivors of institutional abuse carry what happened to them for years — sometimes decades — before they feel ready to talk about it. There is no right timeline. There is no moment when you are 'supposed' to have processed it, reported it, or decided what to do. If you are reading this years after what happened, you are not late.

Coming forward can feel like reopening something you have worked hard to close. It can feel like you are risking being disbelieved, or that people will question why you waited so long. These fears are understandable, and they are also very common. Survivors who come forward years later are not unusual — they are the norm.

Talking to an attorney is not the same as filing a lawsuit. A first conversation is private, protected, and does not obligate you to do anything. You can share what happened, ask questions, and then take as much time as you need to decide whether you want to move forward. Many people find that simply having a conversation — being heard by someone who takes what they say seriously — is meaningful in itself, regardless of what comes next.

You do not need to remember everything. Memory of trauma is often incomplete, non-linear, or fragmented. That is not a flaw in your account — it is a well-documented feature of how trauma affects the brain. An attorney who works with survivors understands this and will not expect you to have a perfect, chronological account.

You do not need to have told anyone before. Many survivors have never spoken about what happened — not to family, not to a therapist, not to anyone. A first conversation with an attorney can be the first time you say it out loud. That is okay.

You are allowed to change your mind. If you start a conversation and decide you are not ready, you can stop. If you decide to move forward and then change your mind later, you can stop then too. You are in control of your own case and your own story.

If you are struggling right now, please reach out to a crisis line: call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline), or call 911 if you are in immediate danger. This website is not a crisis service, but we want you to be safe.

When you are ready to talk — whether that is today or someday — Frank Stucki is available for a free, confidential case review. No attorney fee unless there is a recovery. If there is no recovery, you will not owe an attorney fee. You can reach him by phone or through the contact form. He will not cold-contact you.